is what the secondary coordinator of Lou’s school told me yesterday evening after I told her I wanted to pull Lou out of her school.
A small group of girls set her up at school by letting Lou think she was joining in their mucking around when the whole time they were laughing at her. Then, from comments made on facebook, it would seem that they secretly videotaped her with one of their mobile phones and one of them suggested posting it to youtube.
Lou is devestated.
I am furious.
The coordinator swears black and blue that she’ll deal with it, and doesn’t want me to pull Lou out of school. She thinks it would be unwise, that there are lots of things coming up that Lou would really benefit from, that all her teachers say she’s going really well, that we shouldn’t let them win.
We shouldn’t let them win.
How many times does she have to cop this kind of shit before we can say enough is enough?
The school and all her teachers know that Lou has an anxiety disorder and is on medication for it. They all know she still regularly sees a psychologist. Hell, the psychologist was working with the school to help set up management strategies for use at school. She may be coping a lot better in the classroom, but they aren’t seeing what happens in the playground.
I realise that Lou doesn’t always understand when other people are genuinely joking with her but on the flip side, she doesn’t always understand when other people are not joking with her, but joking at her expense… and sometimes you just can’t explain that you don’t think what she has taken as joking with her was other’s taking the piss or setting her up for their own amusement.
Being very literal and trusting doesn’t help either. She takes people at their word so often doesn’t see when they are being facetious, duplicitous, or are just plain lying to cover their arses or insulting behaviours.
A few weeks ago when she was miserable and in pain from her broken elbow the boys poked at her, threw leaves on her and put banana skins in her hair for their own amusement until she lost the plot then tried to say they were “just trying to cheer her up”. *shakes head* She came home not only miserable from pain, but angry, teary and stressed after being told that she needed to address her pain issues when she complained.
A banana skin in her hair? Really? That wouldn’t cheer me up.
We shouldn’t let them win.
Well my faith in the school’s ability to deal with the situation is shot given that we have still not heard of any resolution to our written complaints made at the end of last term. These kids have already won because they keep getting away with their behaviour without any real consequences.
We explained to the principal at the beginning of the term that we were increasingly concerned about Lou’s ability to keep taking this crap and felt that the time for pussy footing around the issues was long past. They had kept fobbing off taking any definitive action by saying that they didn’t want the fall out to come back on Lou and make things worse for her… we told them that we felt things couldn’t get any worse from Lou’s perspective and still, no action of any actual consequence has been taken so far as we are aware.
We shouldn’t let them win.
At what cost? The barrage of thinly veiled insults, exclusionary tactics and jokes at her expense have a price – her mental health. How many more tears does she have to cry? How many more days of feeling insecure, unsure, ignored, undermined, insignificant and useless does she have to have so that “they don’t win”?
She is picked at for the way she looks, for her wild hair, for the unusual accent she places on some words, for trying to join in, for not trying to join in, for reading, for sitting with them, for not sitting with them, for speaking up, for staying silent, for having psychologist appointments, for not being at school after breaking her elbow… She can’t win. She has nothing to gain from staying in a competition that she can’t win. And when did it become a competition anyway?
We shouldn’t let them win.
At what point do we get to wave the white flag if not now? My girl is already defeated. Do we have to wait until she is also again in crisis? Until she is once again so worn down that she is also depressed and convinced that she and everyone else would be better off if she was dead?
I don’t think that my child’s mental health and this school are compatible. I know my child’s mental health and her school peers are not. I do not believe that pulling her out of this school is letting “them win”. These kids are not going to learn anything by my leaving Lou in school apart from new and more creative ways to torment her, and the cost to her is not one that I’m willing to pay.
Oh MisstressB – deleting a few swearwords here – I haven’t been around the blogs much of late so missed what is going on.
Where are the heroes? The teachers who will go the few extra yards, the classmates who are willing to step between?
Sorry for you and Lou – I hope you find a solution for your girl that gives her the fortitude she needs and so sorry the school hasn’t come through on that.
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Mistress B (311 comments.) Reply:
June 24th, 2010 at 8:04 am
Thanks Jeanie, I’ve been doing a lot of swearing myself and am completely fed up. I’m putting in the paperwork for homeschooling her this morning. It’s just all gone way too far.
Hugs and prayers for you and Lou!
That is just so distressing for you and your girl…
Since when has the be all and end all been winning and loosing?? What happened to being happy???
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This is heartbreaking.
You are doing the right thing pulling her out.
It just sucks sometimes doesn’t it?
Nikki aka Widdle Shamrock recently posted..The dream is over
It’s the best thing for Lou to leave that hell-hole.
“We shouldn’t let them win” – those little b@st@rds shouldn’t have been allowed to create a dog-eat-dog world in the school in the first place.
The teachers are the adults they are the ones who are supposed to set the examples, set the guidelines, pull the mongrels up when they act like mongrels.
I hope you’re complaining to higher authorities as that school has clearly demonstrated they are unable to deal with the behaviours of their vicious students and are merely enabling a culture of future bullying and attacks on other students.
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At the end of the day we need to do what’s best for our kids, and screw the “experts”
Noone, and I mean noone, knows children better than their mother.
Just from what I’ve heard you’re doing what’s best, but even if I, or anyone else thought different, it means nothing.
This is your daughter, and you think this is best.
Good for you I say, and I have no doubt she will thrive once she’s away from these feral little f*ckers…..
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Insanity. That is what that shit is.
They know her issues, yet they let this still go on?
Pull her out, let them win. Nothing is worth her mental health.
And yours.
I hate that you are in this situation babe.
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That was so sad to read. It sounds like the school staff concerned could do with some more training, since it sounds like they lack the common sense and skills to be able to deal with this problem. It is no wonder the ‘bullies’ continue to torment other students, it is being condoned by the sounds of it. If the bullying students can not take personal responsibility for their own actions, it must be up to the school staff. These schools that allow this extreme bullying to happen need to be exposed. I am so angry that this has happened. Stay strong, my thoughts are with you and your family.
In all honesty, yes, let them ‘win’.
What that actually means is ‘don’t let ME lose’ (the co-ordinator)…
I would pull her out immediately…with a letter to the principal and parents and friend committee telling them why.
Poor darling shouldn’t have to go through this
I have found distance education to be a life saver.
Hugs to you both,
G
xx
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I agree with you. Take Lou out of that environment immediately.
Write to the Education Department too, let them know what’s going on there. Name names.
I think it’s appauling that her school would say that to you!! IT is NOT letting them win- it is saving Lou and not letting them continue their discusting behaviour!
Stand strong, take her out and build her up again! There’s no way that those terrible kids should be able to continue to do that to her!
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They are not going to “win” anything until they learn how to behave like compassionate, caring human beings, instead of nasty inconsiderate twits. They should be being taught this, not just left to continue the behaviour. Obviously the atmosphere of the school is not a caring compassionate place. Unless the nasties are being pulled up on their behaviour they will not stop. And they are not being pulled up. The only way Lou can win is by not being there, by being herself, in a place where she is valued and cared for – that is not that school.