I forwarded my girlfriends an email yesterday – all about how mother’s often feel invisible and unappreciated which then goes on to say that people didn’t see the builders of the great catherdrals either, but appreciate their work all these years later and even though it might seem like what we do is unimportant or un-noticed that we are doing things that will be seen as greatness later.
And I couldn’t get past the first bit
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?” Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible. The invisible Mum. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, “What time is it?” I’m a television guide to answer, “What number is the Disney Channel?” I’m a car to order, “Right around 5:30, please.”
Because that’s exactly how I often feel.
Except it’s not just my children that do it to me.
It’s the family members who take help but rarely give it in return, the husband who fusses and helps everyone else but snaps at me because he knows he stuffed up, the friend who drifts in and out with no explanation happy to share my life but unwilling to share theirs, the ex in laws who were so involved as long as things went their way but are incapable of even politeness when it’s not…………. and you know something? It’s worse than when the kids do it because these people are grown ups and they should know better.
I just want to scream at all these people!!
Who the fuck do you think you all are?
Who the fuck do you think you are to tread all over me and treat me like shit when I try to be there for you/help you/support you/worry about you/please you/make you feel loved and special and cared for?
And every single one of them resort to snarky remarks, bullshit accusations and smart arsed attitudes when they know they fucked up because they can’t handle the idea that they have hurt someone else with their sheer selfishness and thoughtlessness so have to attack the people they hurt or they attack/blame someone else to attempt to create a distraction.
So not only do I have them behaving like turds I have to put up with them talking shit too. Fuckers.
If people want to treat me like I’m invisible then I may as well be invisible for a while.
Fuck it.
Fuck them.
I’m going back to bed for the week.
and I’m taking the chocolate with me.
(hugs) We see you..and you are AWESOME!
I get the kids thing..I guess we put up with it cause that’s what mums do.
But other people have no right to treat you like that! Stand up and tell them I am not going to take it anymore!!! (then come back and tell me how to do it
)
Leigh’s last blog post..Mother’s Day present
Mistress B (311 comments.) Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 1:13 am
well I started by yelling and throwing clothes out the front door for an attention getter once calm reasoning didn’t work………….. lol
I dunno. With some of them it’s just meant learning to say ‘no’, with others it’s not making their shit my shit but some of it……. venting on my blog so I can get it out of my system and get on with my stuff is what seems to work
Thanks and hugs back at you.
I hear you…Im under strict instructions from my specialist not to do any work. Im having surgery next week. My house is a mess and when I get the shits up all JMM says is ”But I work!’..Dude,dont we all. He works for himself and comes home at 2 in the arvo! Lazy bastard. I wish he didnt read my blog..I cant whinge about him nearly as much as I need to! lol. You sound like you need a nice holiday and some much needed “me” time..Wouldn’t that be nice? If only.
SHELLY’s last blog post..I HEART DEXTER…
Mistress B (311 comments.) Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 1:16 am
Yes that would be nice! And yes, sometimes I think we just need to have a big whinge and get it out of our systems. My sis in law rang up and had a big whinge to me today about much the same thing…….. I think it’s going around……. or perhaps it’s really the swine flu! Goddam! no wonder they can’t find all these suspected swine flu carriers they’re invisible!
Mistress B (311 comments.) Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 1:16 am
ps. Hope your surgery goes well. Prayers for a straight forward procedure and a quick recovery being sent up for you.
Ouch, there’s some asshats in all our lives, it seems.
anja’s last blog post..Your mom smells like BO and menopause.
Mistress B (311 comments.) Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 1:17 am
yup
I have spare chocolate. Left over Easter Eggs. You want?
{{{{hugs}}}}
Mistress B (311 comments.) Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 1:19 am
God love you! I bought myself toblerone, I lounged around. I had a hour long bitch session with my sis in law on the phone and sorted out some routine organisation with my kids and feel much, much better. Thank you.
I have to keep reminding myself of a saying I heard about 5 years ago which plays through my head constantly-You teach others how to treat you. I’ve had to “re-teach” some people in my life….some have taken it well and have actually been trying…others are just doomed to be jerks no matter what…im unfortunately stuck with some of these people til the day one of us kills over…it is what it is…but i can go about life knowing i am at least not teaching the behavior lol.
Mistress B (311 comments.) Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 1:22 am
*nods* Yes we do teach others how to treat us. My children are learning, my husband knows but forgot. Sometimes he just needs a kick in the pants
my family and in laws and ex in laws……………… sigh. They can still get stuffed 
Seriously though sometimes it just gets on top of me you know? I have a bitch, remind myself that their shit is their shit and not my shit and get on with things.
Thanks for your wisdom and commenting
I love you! {{HUGS}} I had posted that exact email forward once, it is worded brilliantly and made me feel like I wasn’t so alone when I read it!
I like that you wrote, “to attempt to create a distraction” – why can’t some people just fucking say, “I’m sorry, I acted like a jerk”???!!!! Is it that fucking hard to acknowledge that you’ve hurt someone and you are ONLY human like the rest of us? This drives me to madness because instead of just admitting they fucked up, they do indeed create a distraction which makes everything chaotic and worse. Fuckers, indeed!
You sleep girl. You relax and know that you are loved and appreciated by all of your readers! I’m sorry you had a rough day!
JQ’s last blog post..Mother’s Day 2009
Mistress B (311 comments.) Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 1:34 am
Thanks so much for your kindness. I had a much better day today
The whole being a jerk when in the wrong thing is the biggest distraction tactic around I think. When I see people doing it I always think that they are employing the strategy that the best defense is a good offense and I seem to be surrounded by family that use that strategy as a first resort!
And every single time he does it my husband ends up apologising twice. Firstly for the thing he stuffed up and then for being a jerk about it. Oh well. maybe one day he’ll learn to say sorry without choking on his pride! Cos that’s what it all comes down to. Pride. *shakes head*
Hugs sweets.
I was thinking similar thoughts when I read that poem.
Had a long talk with my sister along similar lines.
WiddleShamrock’s last blog post..Ew.
Mistress B (311 comments.) Reply:
May 12th, 2009 at 1:25 am
I had a long talk with my sis in law today along similar lines. We decided that while some of it may be our expectations that a lot of it is our screwed up families faults lol
Hope everyone is treating you a bit better. It is awful to feel like you are invisible.
PlanningQueen’s last blog post..10 Tips For Coping With A New Baby
Belated hugs. Hope you are still being treated better now a few days have passed.